Philip Be'er

A little less than ten years ago, I took part in a personal-growth retreat that opened a door to massive improvements in the quality of my life. During that week I experienced more growth and healing than I’d experienced in the twenty years proceeding.

I had grown up in what felt, to me, like a ‘domestic’ warzone and over the years, had invested thousands of dollars and countless hours in individual and couple’s therapy … apart from my relief at making so much personal progress at the retreat, I was exhilarated to discover that I could access tools and techniques powerful enough to initiate radical personal transformation on a timescale measured in years, rather than decades!

Needless to say, I devoted the years following that retreat to mastering these tools and techniques while applying them to my own inner-evolution or inner-game. Whenever an opportunity to improve  or to refine these tools and techniques presented itself, I stepped up to the challenge, eventually birthing Behavioural Loop Theory, elaborating on Carl Jung’s ‘Shadow’, authoring the manual  “Learning to Love – Your Guide to Personal Empowerment” and more recently, introducing ‘Personal Compassion Maps’ and ‘Personality Spheres’.

I generally work with clients who are struggling in relationship or displaying symptoms of anxiety or depression, and with anyone, whose pathways to happiness and peace seem to be obstructed by unrelenting compulsions, by uncontrollable behaviours, habits or addictions.

Many of my clients are recovering from abuse and from other childhood traumas, from PTSD, domestic violence and suicidal ideation. In the majority of cases, the Learning to Love curriculum offers better outcomes than drug and medication based treatments. The Learning to Love curriculum is only taught by highly trained facilitators who are adept at recognising and counteracting the unconscious role played by their ‘*Shadow’ when supporting clients. The degree to which Learning to Love practitioners have integrated ‘Shadow’ elements, differentiates us from those healing professionals and practitioners remain reactive when they encounter elements of their own shadow in the clients they serve. (*Your shadow is visible in the Blue section of your Personality Sphere)

I strongly encourage anyone who finds herself/himself a point in life where transformative change can no longer be deferred, to invest heavily in freedom, self-acceptance and happiness by fully embracing the Learning to Love Curriculum revolution, now.

If you are supporting someone (in a personal or professional capacity) who is struggling, the tools that I've created and the approach that I've developed could help you to provide even more loving and caring support.


LOW POINT   Although I was doing everything conceivable to be kind and loving, I was constantly being punished for being what my parents considered, a bad or a naughty kid

HIGH POINT   Discovering that the punishment I received had nothing to do with me (who I was, or how I was behaving). My parents were attacking rejected aspects of their own personalities (Shadow) that were being mirrored by me. Every parent does this and every child suffers some degree of harm as a result.

LOW POINT   Feeling desperately isolated and alone at various points in my life

HIGH POINT  Acknowledging the role that I have played in keeping people at an emotionally-safe distance so that they couldn’t hurt me. Dissolving all the shame I have been carrying so that I could no longer be hurt by any other person. Allowing connection and love to flow, and tapping into an abundance of love

LOW POINT   Coming really, really close to giving up on the fight for shared custody of my daughter because the protracted court battle was causing her so much harm

HIGH POINT  Being assigned a wise and experienced judge who immediately identified a harmful pattern of deception and control. In contrast to the judges who had been assigned previously (they had little experience with Family Law), Justice M. settled a two year court case in minutes. I continued to play an important role in my daughter's life, and she was given the opportunity to receive love and support from both of her parents.

LOW POINT   Spending twenty years in couples’ counseling, yet feeling powerless to prevent one romantic relationship after another from disintegrating, in spite of my total commitment to the creation of a healthy relationship

HIGH POINT  Learning that although the psychologists, counselors, coaches and teachers I was working with exuded confidence, they could only lead me as far down a healing path as they themselves had traveled. Most had at least as much healing left to do as I had. Attending a retreat where the teachers were totally committed to their own healing journey and where the approach was so effective that I made as much progress in a single week as I’d made in the two preceding decades. (I went on to become one of these teachers)

LOW POINT   Struggling to sleep through the night or to get myself out of bed during those times when I was feeling the most depressed and isolated

HIGH POINT  Learning how to change the way that I’m feeling by re-patterning my thoughts and beliefs. Connecting to myself so deeply that I no longer depend on someone outside of me for feelings of acceptance, connection and love-worthiness. Bidding farewell to protracted loneliness and depression.

LOW POINT   Acknowledging my addiction to 'romantic' partnership (co-dependence addiction) and my uncontrollable use of sugary treats for emotional soothing

HIGH POINT  Liberating myself of my addictions and helping many of my clients gain freedom from their own addictions, compulsive behavioural patterns, and most significantly, their compulsive need to manage and to control.

LOW POINT   Recognising the anxiety in my own voice

HIGH POINT  Healing that anxiety and replacing it with self-acceptance and love.

LOW POINT   Feeling unworthy of payment from my clients

HIGH POINT  Healing my relationship with money and becoming comfortable with the value of my work.

LOW POINT   Living with the fear that I would never get to experience unconditional loving from a romantic partner

HIGH POINT  Meeting a woman of my dreams and experiencing 'Conscious' relationship with her

LOW POINT   Receiving the news that she had stage-4 cancer just as I was making plans to relocate so that we could reside closer to one another

HIGH POINT  Relocating anyway. Staying 'in the Present' while simultaneously doing everything conceivable to prolong her life, AND remaining relatively unattached to the outcome. Savoring each and every beautiful moment together and rapidly releasing my emotional attachment to the less beautiful moments.

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