… Imagine how stressful it is for a six month old baby to be separated from his/her parents. At that age, the baby has insufficient life experience to KNOW that their parent will eventually return. Although most adults are unable to put words to our pre-verbal memories, our cells and our nervous system have never forgotten how wrenching it felt to be left alone for any period of time by our parents. My point here is not that parents do something wrong, but that the exigencies of living prevent parents from being constantly available to all of their children every minute of the day. So we all carry embodied separation trauma from these experiences and the magnitude of the trauma reflects how frequently and for how long we were left in this state, our temperament, what was else was occurring in our environment and how our much REPAIR occurred when connection with our parent was restored. The less compassionate and connective the parenting style, the deeper our wound. Whenever an adult perceives a threat to their ‘connectedness’ a fight, flight or freeze response gets triggered and the person can sometimes feel as if their survival is at stake, exactly the way they felt when mommy or daddy failed to respond to their cries. My research has shown that almost every act of violence and aggression between people is rooted in their fear of re-experiencing those excruciating emotions that their body remembers feeling during infancy. Isolation and separation occur every time someone gets teased, humiliated, ignored, manipulated, controlled, judged or criticised. The behaviours and attitudes that we consider harmful to society have their genesis in our struggle to maintain secure attachment while in a state of powerlessness as an infant. I’d love to hear if this makes any sense to you or anyone else reading it. Philip Be’er