Stop for a moment! Instead of seeing exes as narcissists, we can see them as someone who is so emotionally triggered that they’re entering ‘fight or flight’ mode whenever your divorce is being discussed.

A person in fight or flight mode can’t behave rationally even if they wanted to because a part of the brain responsible for reasoning is ‘offline‘ for as long as a person is in fight/flight/freeze!

Like you, your ex is experiencing perceived rejection,  and they’ve lost the secure connection they had (with you).

It took me 12 years to learn this after my divorce, so I hope that hearing it now will save you years of heartache.

  • Focus less on what they do and more on how YOU’RE responding, emotionally, to what they’re doing.
  • Insist on getting your demands met when they your demands protect your child, and do your best to do this without getting drawn into drama of the other parent.
  • Focus on the drama that is going on inside your mind and remember that human beings react strongly when our own rejected character traits are  mirrored back at us.
  • If you’re upset by her lying, that’s a sign that you have some work of your own to do around honesty.
  • Same goes for her craziness, her greed, her you-name-it.

Your child needs you to evolve more than anything in the world and your ex is providing the unwelcome gift of a mirror.

Philip Be’er