Whenever one, or more, of these three constituents of LOVE are missing, most adults and children tend to feel isolated, disconnected or rejected!

 

"What is Love?"

 Three things (ACU) are necessary for any person to FEEL LOVED:

Unconditional ACCEPTANCE

Secure CONNECTION

Deep UNDERSTANDING

 

They automatically attempt to restore a connection with some source of LOVE that is outside of themselves and they do whatever-it-takes to soothe or to suppress the terrible pain associated with disconnection.

As you can see from the last part of this video, even people who "love" and care about one-another, struggle to accept each other unconditionally. Learning to Love - Your Guide to Personal Empowerment explains what it is about other people that makes it hard for us to accept them exactly the way they are.
By making roughly one hundred changes to the way that you think and interact, you can improve all of your relationships. More importantly, making these simple changes will automatically improve your health and well-being, it will remove all of the barriers to prosperity and success that have been holding you back, and your energy will draw attractive and positive people to you like a magnet.

LEARNING TO LOVE Resources

If Learning to Love – Your Guide to Personal Empowerment!  has helped you, then consider hosting a Learning to Love salon series. Bring a small group of friends, family or co-workers together at a convenient venue to discuss one or more chapters each time and to review some of your answers to the exercise questions.

 

Study groups are entitled to call themselves “Learning to Love Salons” when they strictly uphold the following safety guidelines while discussing the contents of the book “Learning to Love – Your Guide to Personal Empowerment!” written and illustrated by Philip Be’er and Markus Fahrner.

 

Be sure to read these guidelines together at the start of each salon. Doing so is important for safety and for the cohesion of the group.

 

  1. The emotional safety of every participant is of paramount importance. Avoid judging other participants, what they’ve shared or how they express themselves. When you speak, focus on how you’re feeling about the subject matter or your reactions to the subject matter.
  2. Pay close attention to your own emotions, and take a break, if you’re feeling particularly uncomfortable. Only share WHEN you feel comfortable sharing and only share WHAT you feel comfortable sharing. Only answer those questions that you feel comfortable answering.
  3. Everything that is shared in the salon is confidential. If you feel compelled to share something about your own experience in the salon, do so in a way that protects the identities of the other participants.
  4. Do your best to stay connected to your heart and to stay in the present.
  5. Only one person is permitted to speak at a time. Use a talking stick, if this helps to maintain order.
  6. Interrupting the speaker makes the space feel unsafe. If you’re feeling the urge to interrupt it’s a sign that you’re hearing or seeing something that feels uncomfortable or threatening for you. Our goal is to become fully aware of experiences that feel uncomfortable for us so that we can safely address the real, underlying reasons for our discomfort.
  7. Each participant is fully responsible for their own emotions during the salon.
  8. Any pain or discomfort that you might be feeling will be coming from inside you. Unless one of the participants is kicking, biting or striking you, there is nothing that they can say or do to hurt you. This means that the person triggering you is only being a ‘mirror’ for something that you are struggling to embrace in yourself.
  9. Any urge or need that you feel to rescue or to fix someone is also an indicator that you’re feeling uncomfortable. Ask yourself, “What am I seeing, hearing or feeling that is triggering my discomfort”. Sit with your discomfort, compassionately noticing how it feels. Avoid judging it. Learning to Love – Your Guide to Personal Empowerment! explains why we tend to react in this way and what we can do to effortlessly change the way that we react.
  10. In matters of the heart and soul, every participant’s input is equally important and valid. If you find yourself reacting to something that is happening or that has been said in the salon use the opportunity presented by your reaction to learn more about yourself.
  11. We all agree to be compassionate with ourselves, knowing that we are doing the best that we can in this moment and that our best is perfectly imperfect.

Compassionate Listening Summary

Scroll down for the full guidelines.

  1. Create a safe and a loving environment.
  2. Stay in the present.
  3. Exercise discretion.
  4. When you’re done sharing, say “I’m complete”. After about 20 seconds of silence the facilitator will thank you for sharing. Then the floor is open for the next person ready to speak.
  5. Focus on how YOU are feeling.
  6. Identify the real underlying reasons for your pain.
  7. Take responsibility for your emotions.
  8. Recognise that you are not in any real physical danger.
  9. Examine your judgments to identify projected shame.
  10. Get out of your head.
  11. Sit compassionately with your uncomfortable emotions.
  12. Listen to the voice of your inner child.
  13. If you could do things differently, you would. Be compassionate towards yourself.
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Compassionate Listening Guidelines.

  1. Compassionate listening creates a safe and loving environment where we can observe our own emotional reactions. This is an inner-listening practice, so listen closely to your emotions.
  2. We start in silence. When you feel called to share, interrupt the silence, and for no more than eight minutes, share what you’re feeling in this moment. Try not to talk about the past.
  3. For safety, everything that’s said and done in the group needs to remain confidential.
  4. When you’re done sharing, say “I’m complete”. After about 20 seconds of silence the facilitator will thank you for sharing. Then the floor is open for the next person ready to speak.
  5. Only one person is permitted to speak at a time. Speak about how you are feeling. Avoid talking directly to anyone else or talking about them.
  6. If you’re feeling a reaction to something that’s been said or done, this group offers a safe space for you to share what you’re feeling. Interrupting the speaker makes the space feel unsafe. If you’re feeling the urge to interrupt it’s a sign that you’re hearing or seeing something that feels uncomfortable or threatening for you. Our goal is to become fully aware of experiences that feel uncomfortable for us so that we can safely address the real, underlying reasons for our discomfort.
  7. Each of us is fully responsible for our own emotions during this practice.
  8. The pain or discomfort that you might feel will be coming from inside you. Unless someone in the group is kicking, biting or striking you, there is nothing that they can say or do to hurt you. This means that the person triggering you is only being a ‘mirror’ for something that you are struggling to embrace in yourself.
  9. Any judgments that come up for you indicate projected shame. These indicate a reaction to something you’re seeing or hearing that you find difficult to accept in yourself.
  10. If you find yourself analyzing what you’re hearing, shift your attention from your head towards your heart.
  11. Your desire to rescue or to fix someone is also an indicator that you’re feeling uncomfortable. Ask yourself, “What am I seeing, hearing or feeling that is triggering my discomfort”. Sit with your discomfort, compassionately noticing how it feels. Avoid judging it. When you share, let the group hear what you’ve been experiencing.
  12. Extended moments of silence provide an opportunity to really notice what is happening inside. If nothing’s happening, then check in with your inner child. Does your inner child have something important to share?
  13. We all agree to be compassionate with ourselves, knowing that we are doing the best that we can in this moment and that our best is perfectly imperfect.
  14. If you are able and willing to accept these guidelines, then raise your hand and say, “Hell Yeah!