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The Place where Addiction, Recovery and Love Meet
Author of “Learning to Love – Your Guide to Personal Empowerment“, Philip Be’er, was inter
Trauma Informed Systems – considered Worthy of Acceptance
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Trauma Informed Systems - Secure Belonging
This video explains the term, 'Trauma-Informed', and the importance of factoring-in the role played
I ONLY TEACH WHAT I KNOW:
LOW POINT Although I was doing everything conceivable to be kind and loving, I was constantly being punished for being what my parents considered, a bad or a naughty kid
HIGH POINT Discovering that the punishment I received had nothing to do with me (who I was, or how I was behaving). My parents were attacking rejected aspects of their own personalities (Shadow) that were being mirrored by me. Every parent does this and every child suffers some degree of harm as a result.
LOW POINT Feeling desperately isolated and alone at various points in my life
HIGH POINT Acknowledging the role that I have played in keeping people at an emotionally-safe distance so that they couldn’t hurt me. Dissolving all the shame I have been carrying so that I could no longer be hurt by any other person. Allowing connection and love to flow, and tapping into an abundance of love
LOW POINT Coming really, really close to giving up on the fight for shared custody of my daughter because the protracted court battle was causing her so much harm
HIGH POINT Being assigned a wise and experienced judge who immediately identified a harmful pattern of deception and control. In contrast to the judges who had been assigned previously (they had little experience with Family Law), Justice M. settled a two year court case in minutes. I continued to play an important role in my daughter's life, and she was given the opportunity to receive love and support from both of her parents.
LOW POINT Spending twenty years in couples’ counseling, yet feeling powerless to prevent one romantic relationship after another from disintegrating, in spite of my total commitment to the creation of a healthy relationship
HIGH POINT Learning that although the psychologists, counselors, coaches and teachers I was working with exuded confidence, they could only lead me as far down a healing path as they themselves had traveled. Most had at least as much healing left to do as I had. Attending a retreat where the teachers were totally committed to their own healing journey and where the approach was so effective that I made as much progress in a single week as I’d made in the two preceding decades. (I went on to become one of these teachers)
LOW POINT Struggling to sleep through the night or to get myself out of bed during those times when I was feeling the most depressed and isolated
HIGH POINT Learning how to change the way that I’m feeling by re-patterning my thoughts and beliefs. Connecting to myself so deeply that I no longer depend on someone outside of me for feelings of acceptance, connection and love-worthiness. Bidding farewell to protracted loneliness and depression.
LOW POINT Acknowledging my addiction to 'romantic' partnership (co-dependence addiction) and my uncontrollable use of sugary treats for emotional soothing
HIGH POINT Liberating myself of my addictions and helping many of my clients gain freedom from their own addictions, compulsive behavioural patterns, and most significantly, their compulsive need to manage and to control.
LOW POINT Recognising the anxiety in my own voice
HIGH POINT Healing that anxiety and replacing it with self-acceptance and love.
LOW POINT Feeling unworthy of payment from my clients
HIGH POINT Healing my relationship with money and becoming comfortable with the value of my work.
LOW POINT Living with the fear that I would never get to experience unconditional loving from a romantic partner
HIGH POINT Meeting a woman of my dreams and experiencing 'Conscious' relationship with her
LOW POINT Receiving the news that she had stage-4 cancer just as I was making plans to relocate so that we could reside closer to one another
HIGH POINT Relocating anyway. Staying 'in the Present' while simultaneously doing everything conceivable to prolong her life, AND remaining relatively unattached to the outcome. Savoring each and every beautiful moment together and rapidly releasing my emotional attachment to the less beautiful moments.
I just got off the phone with the extraordinary Philip Be'er, with whom I’ve been having powerful sessions in what I think is best described as Shadow Work. He’s identified an amazing and effective process and it WORKS SO BEAUTIFULLY!!N. Calgary
If YOU think you might be ripe for this kind of help, I highly recommend you consider getting in touch with him. I’ve already recommended him to many beloved people.
I took this course. The insight looking at my darkness/shadow side and transforming how I view my "perceived" flaws was amazing. Taking a look at my insecurities as a parent and human in interpersonal relationships was transformed from guilt and isolation to strength and validation and........ Community...... I no longer question if I'm good enough. I know I am. I have truly released myself from the "behavioural loops" that held me back from moving forward and claiming the life I want.... Acknowledging the life I have created and how very far I have come. I am released from shame and guilt of doubts and past "learning lessons" vs "mistakes." I am a good mother, advocate, woman and potential partner for someone when the time arrives.M. British Columbia
I know that not everyone’s ways of doing things work for everyone else...and that makes perfect sense to me. But when I find someone who does a thing that REALLY works for me, it’s still hard to imagine it wouldn’t be JUST THE THING from which everyone else would super benefit. As those of you who know me well know, there have been significant barriers to my ability to...um, lets use that term...’adult’...effectively. Yes, I acknowledge and appreciate that in some ways I adult with excellence. Those aren’t the ones I needed help with. It was other things. And I’m getting help, this past month, that exceeds, in terms of effectiveness for me, anything I’ve yet encountered. I call it shadow work. I think more of the world’s shadows could be effectively integrated/illuminated with Philip Be'er’s help. If this is something you think you might need help with, I recommend you give him a shot.N. Alberta
"Each of us was given a particular combination of wounds, gifts, talents, and imperfections that merely gives texture to the quality of our experience.” ~Wayne Muller@Kayakwendy - Wendy Killoran
Oh, to laugh raucously and to cry unabashedly with someone I trust, this is a gift. I feel blessed to have support from @secureloving on my healing journey. I have learned that it takes courage to request help when delving into one’s inner being. I am learning to fully love, accept, and whole-heartedly embrace all aspects of my being. We all possess both sides of the personality traits on a spectrum: selfish/generous, unkind/kind, disconnected/connected, insensitive/sensitive, hypocritical/truthful etc. I am learning about using strategies which help me embrace my dark and my light parts, including using creative visualization. I am working on fully loving all aspects of myself, so that I can be better prepared than ever to be open to entering a relationship, and so that I can be able to give and receive love unconditionally and securely with my future beloved/playmate/soulmate/partner. I feel blessed to be able to explore my humanness with a like-hearted soul who is on his own healing journey and who shares profound insights and wisdom regarding my personal growth, emotional healing, emotional intelligence, and my inner journey. “We are simply human beings and we all have pain, we all have sorrow, and we all hurt.” (Wayne Muller) Pain inspires us to look inside, to learn, to question and overcome antiquated beliefs, to transform with new behaviours and beliefs, as we all strive to become a better person today than we were yesterday. It is never too late to change. For myself, life is a lifelong learning process and I feel blessed to learn from all my life experiences, even the challenging uncomfortable ones. kayakwendy